you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
