I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
