hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
There r osticjed everywhere
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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