Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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