the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
