I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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