he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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