i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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