dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
