And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
