i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
