Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
