do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
