Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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