you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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