Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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