Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Randomize
