Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
