toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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