well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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