Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
