There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
