I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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