rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
