And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
he just fucked me for my cheese..
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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