I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
