I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I have tasted many bathrooms
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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