I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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