I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
