Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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