dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
