Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
