She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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