They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
