and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
