My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
