It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
