Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
