Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
