just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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