How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
