At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
