I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize