im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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