Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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