So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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