Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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