I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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