i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
