She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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