its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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