You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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