your thong is hanging out like whoa
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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