took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
