My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
