i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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