sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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