i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Found the puke drawer
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
