So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
