I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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