If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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