i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
