How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
