Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I puked a lego.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
