I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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