Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Hippo gnu deer
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
