haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
