I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
