Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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