Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
