i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
