Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
