I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Boobs are out for the taking
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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