your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
