Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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