im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
