Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
