I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
