you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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